internship post!

yeah i havent posted in a long time. so now i guess i'll post about my last day at work. last day was nothing special, everything was really busy and i had to rush through a lot of things before i left. i didnt have the feeling of... you know.. "oh yay im leaving today". nothing of that sort. it was more like.. oh, its today. oh okay. seems a bit weird, somewhat like how i left SP... the same feeling, only not as strong (as to those who knew, you know why SP was important to me. KEYWORD BEING WAS!)

I spent the morning doing something.. but i cant recall what anymore... i think we were packing premiums or something. i only remember that my shoes were relatively uncomfortable.. xD

The entire team (Benny, Grace, Pam, Selena, Azril, Serene, + interns Liting, Gordon, Sihua and me) had lunch at this place... that i think i ate either too much or uncooked, because i had like... stomache ache a day after that.

I actually looked forward to leaving... but... something made a great impact on me... i'll let you see it.

Liting, Joachim, Gordon and Sihua gave me a card... okay honestly i didnt read it before i got on the bus. and honestly when i read it on the bus i seriously started crying. the tearing uncontrollably kind of crying.


The guys wrote some stuff inside that made me really happy i met them... even if.. for gordon and sihua.. its just like 3 weeks. but still, the card meant a lot to me. thanks.

Sihua Gordon and Joachim together, got me 3 gifts, one of which is this handphone sock thingy... hahaha. very familiar because si hua has one too! maybe someone felt a pang of pain whenever i dropped my phone. xD hahaha

a set of 4 hairbands. i guess they pitied my hair for being always tied by the normal red rubber bands that someone suggested this. hahaha. i dont know xD


And this damn cute doggy. Honestly i dont know why.. but when i saw this i thought of joachim. xD hahahahaha. it kinda reminds me of him, though i dont know why.. xDand liting got me this. hahahaha. she still specifically told me not to lose it... lols like i can lose something so big like that.

So to the interns i make this post.

To Liting: Thank you so much for everything. I also can truthfully admit that i dont know anyone like you... you really dont act like your age sometimes. xD hahaha. But either way, you taught me a lot throughout that three months xD hehehe. i will never forget all the stupid things we did, all the packing and the carrying up and down the lifts. xD hahaha. was fun.

To Joachim: haha. i dont know where to start. one thing i guess i will never forget is "The Great Escape". xD hahahaha. worst day to execute the plan, but it worked nonetheless. =p thanks for the words of encouragement... but it was also your portion of the card that made me start to cry. and once i started it was hard to stop. lols. thanks for all the help, esp with the dubbing. HAHA until today i dont know how to do it. OH WELL!

To Gordon: ... i know that anything i say is and will be liable to me. but im going to say it anyway. MUST YOU WRITE THAT IN THE CARD... and p.s. your handwriting sucks. seriously. ok yes... you're the KIND (emphasis on the KIND) i like. or used to at least. i dont know lol. but either way... hope everything goes well with your ankle and stuff. ^^ dont flirt with the guys in the team la. =p and yes i know i impressed you.. =p haha okay serious talk now. thanks for like the... help that you've given to me. you seriously made my last week of work very dull (because i have no computer) LOL!. =p

To Sihua: hey girl. sorry. when i left i think i left you with quite a bit of work. dont hesitate to call if you need help x) heeee. yes yes one day i will challenge you again to that game. practice practice okay!!! cannot let Gordon beat you. =) must practice xD hahaha. dont stress out too much .... x) you can always ask your godfather for help. ^^V

Haha. okay im done with my "dedications". hahahaha. internship made me learn a lot of things, and in a sense it helped me put some things behind. it made me able to move on and forget, made me able to start over again. I was quite surprised that i managed to somewhat confide in Liting and Sihua. only somewhat i dont think they have any idea what i was saying though. x) hahaha.

But in the end... i have to go back to school. hahaha. the cycle continues. =p

CONGRATES!!! MY SIS GOT 9 PTS!! =D

I'd admit i felt a little (okay more than a little) depressed yesterday... for a reason i dont know.. seriously. i just didnt want to talk to anyone, i didn't want to be around anyone.. i didnt even want to stay with anyone. i just wanted to be left alone.. i guess the premonition of leaving this "familiar" place has already come, and im just trying to make it easier when i do leave. its like KTC, and SP all over again. i remember in both situations, i took a look back: i wanted to remember one sole place of each place.. but then when i look back here, i dont know what i want to remember... OAP? recep? NPP5? i dont feel like they remind me of something special... the one place i guess.. i want to remember will probably be the gate.. because that's where it all started, and that's where it will all end for me..

but back to my depression.. i really felt yesterday that i didnt deserve to have friends, that something was stopping me. i guess i knew deep inside that after internship we would no longer meet.. and i didnt want to suffer that way again.. so instead of suffering, i think natural instinct in me was just to walk away.

i tried to cry, because something told me that crying would make me feel better. i wanted to run, just literally run and run, but i couldn't. my running shoes were not with me.

everyone here has done so much for me.. they're even going to give me a farewell lunch.. but i dont really want it. i dont want to feel as though im a part of something if im leaving, as though it would mean something if i came back.

im trying to put my mind on brighter things, like going to kanazawa, seeing yuka, busying myself with the last events of the club before moving on.

But i still dont understand.. im still terribly depressed.. im not me lately. maybe on friday i'd feel better.

someone once told me... "I heart that is afraid of dying never truly learns to live." i guess its true.. even if the stacks are piled this way, there's still something else for me to go on with it.

just have a feeling that something's lingering on my mind. something's... out there. i know it. but i just dont know what it is.. guess its meant for me to find out when the time comes..

cant wait to see the girls again.

i just finally managed to watch finish heroes season 1. i guess after all that raving i expected something much more than that. but nonetheless it was a good show. not as amazing as i thought it would be though..

its weird and funny in an odd sort of way... like when hiro said "dai pinch".. literally translated to become big pinch, the subtitles said "#*$@*"... -.- okkkayyyy.

moving on...

ehh.. realise there's nothing else i got to say. hahaha. ok tomorrow marks the... last week at mediacorp. guess im slightly happy. just slightly.

hate is a strong emotion.

and yet it makes us stronger.

hate is powerful, and yet it can choose to make us or destroy us.

so what if i use my hate for revenge?

if you admit you did something wrong, if you know you did, wouldn't that have solved everything?

you hate me not for revenge, but for knowing you inside out. you know i can tear you apart. with one word, i can make a difference.

you think i did something. you think it was my doing. well, think again. it might not have been my hand, but it was only my actions that speak what i need you to hear.

you mess with me, you get burnt. simple as that.

by blogging out all your hate and anger, what does that fulfil? yes you know. and i care. not. really. just remember one thing: i can read you like an open book. remember that.

i dont know i guess its stupid, that im sitting here, trying my best not to cry, for a reason that i dont know. i dont feel like talking, i dont feel like interacting. i just feel like being alone. i think maybe i just feel im losing something, that i feel that ive lost something. and i just dont want to try to get it back.

i want to put up that wall again, put that wall that blocked me from interacting with people, that prevented me from getting hurt. that wall that made me feel safe, that made me feel me.

now i just feel insecure about everything, about how i seem to slowly lose everything. i thought that here, at least i made some progress, that at least something in here changed my life. and it did. but i also lost something. and what i lost, either i dont want to get it back, or i cant.

i want to hate them, i want them to hate me. because if i hate them then i can let them go. if i hate them, maybe it wont make such a difference.

the past 2 days ive felt the urge to start all over again...

the craving will go away once the first cut is made.

but i cant do it. not because i dont have the guts. but because its too hard to explain.. to my families.

my revenge is nearly complete. just a few more days. and then. it will be over.

the end of my internship will also mark the end of that story, that lie, that image that i wanted to believe real.

i will destroy you, because you nearly destroyed my life. but even if you destroy me now... let's look at it this way... who will believe you? i've already thrown it away. what you know means nothing to me anymore.

in a week's time.. i would lose everything i worked for in the past 3 months. in a week's time, these 3 months would mean absolutely nothing to me.

in a week's time... these three months would never have existed.

it's the only way i have left: to wipe away everything, to wipe away my tears. to wipe away the pain.

it's the only way for me to forget: by pretending it never existed.

i hope this is not a recurring sign, or a sign of something else. but recently, especially the past few days, im becoming more quiet, more ellusive, and i have the tendency to want to be left alone.

i dont like crowds: i never did. i dont like going out in big groups of people, pretending for a second or more that i belonged to something bigger, because i never did.

all i need, all i wanted, was a small grp of friends, a small grp of people that has hence grown much larger. and too large, until i can no longer bear it. i cannot help but move myself away, once again becoming that group of 1. but unlike the past, it feels worse, knowing that im losing something, rather than maintaining.

maybe im just destined to live a life of solitude...

maybe i just crave that attention.

i dont know.

and with only 5 days to the end of internship...

suddenly my working environment feels so much like school to me.

suddenly everything i thought i loved became something else.

suddenly, i became... insignificant.















i dont know how else to put this, but today alone gave me the confirmation of my fears, the last drop of my courage and the last of my stamina. i literally cant find the energy to get myself on my feet, i cant get myself to do it anymore.

each day, each conversation, seems mundane now. i guess its all because i know in a while's time it wouldn't matter anymore: because i knew in a while's time the 12 weeks would come to an end, that 12 weeks that i loved.

just one day was enough to spoil everything: make everything clear.

and it made me realise the significance of my existance: and made me realise who i was born to be. this wasn't my calling: i was bound to give this up. this was never meant to be anything more than just 12 weeks at work.

and now it will only be that.


i guess once again it will be a bittersweet feeling, once again that fear of leaving something behind. but i guess the things im looking forward to is much more than the fear of leaving this behind. so while i'm happy for the girls, whom some might be extending their internship, i'm also happy that i didnt..


Once more, once more. It's just once more.


おおの　さとし　くん　の　うた　「Rain」。

This is just the beginning 　これ　ガム　じゃ　ない
This is only the beginning　だれ　も　あいしたいない
This is just the beginning　きみ　に　とど　か　ない　さ
ほら

いたい　でしょう？　ただし　だいじょうぶ　から。

Hmm.. with 7 days to go, i have similar sentiments as phy, who has no idea why people actually said internship could be horrible. i still love every minute here, but because of too many interns and too little work at this period of time. i guess thats why time is passing relatively slow.

today i have to go home to do my log book properly: i'm beginning to lag on the things ive done. and my supervisor also hasnt signed for a relatively long time haha.

no doubt i'd miss my internship days, which explains why i'm uploading this.

I'm still not done uploading my MILE pics... and i have a lot of things to do before i go to kanazawa again..!!! okay good thing internship is ending because i really have a lot of things to do!!!

i miss the girls.. when can i see them again?

みんな　おはよう！！！　へへへ～　わたし　は　わかりました～　もう　ちょっと　だけ。。　金沢　へ　いきました。　たのしい　です！　＝）　

Okayyy back to English LOL. =p Internship is coming to an end, but its literally going slower and slower than before. I miss the times where time flew past in the blink of an eye, where time seemed to go faster than I needed it to be. But now, time seems to be mocking me, crawling at its own leisurely pace, usually slower than my own leisure.

maybe its simply because im just bored, with the introduction of two new interns and my soon departure, there is really nothing much for me to do, so much so that time seems to mock me every second that time goes past.

but still, i cant say im not glad internship is almost over. yes the environment is great, dont mistake me i still love mediacorp, and working here has given me an eye opener beyond anything, but still i'll be glad when this is over.

its draining a lot of my energy, and i find myself tired so often that i really dont think i can go on working like this. so i guess my emotions are based on nothing but my current situation.

i'll definitely miss the people i meet here, but at least here, i can potentially meet them again, whereas i will never get to see people like Yuka... not unless i fly back. which... HEY I AM!!! hahaha.

Talking about Kanazawa, i'm really glad that yuka and i are still in contact.i've heard that most of the hosts have lost contact with us, but thank goodness yuka and i have managed to email each other, even if its nothing serious, nothing common, but still a letter is better than nothing.

わすれない　から。　たのしい　とき、　苦しい　とき、　いつも　いつも。。　わたしたち　の　ゆめ　だから。　ずっと　ずっと。。　わすれない。。　みんな　の　かお。　＝）

internship will be ending soon. cant say im not looking forward to it. i think its a bittersweet feeling... im looking forward to it because of all the things that i love after that... CNY... going to kanazawa... kanazawa students coming to singapore.. everything! omg i cant believe this but i will seriously fall in love with the next two months after im done with my internship.

however i have a lot of things to prepare for.. mainly a scrapbook for yuka. ok that will take up a lot of my time, so i have to figure something out as soon as possible =)

either way, its been raining cats and dogs recently, so i've decided to wear like nice shoes out.. just so my holey converse shoes wont get wet.. as there are HOLES at the base, and that makes it SUPER uncomfortable, as experienced with Alex during Open House..

The wait is beginning to become unbearable. International flights have already been booked on flight~ im flying on the 27th night! hahaha. i wonder if i should send another email to yuka.. guess i'll do that when the time comes nearerr. =) haha.

SZE IF U READ MY BLOG! U WANT TO BUY ANYTHING FOR HER!? I CAN BE UR PERSONAL DELIVERY GAL!

Ok.. time for me to go sleep... COUNTDOWN TO INTERNSHIP END... 10 DAYS.

today i went back to school... for some club thing... its SP's open house today... so i wasn't surprised when i managed to talk to a few of our lovely lecturers.

i first saw mr ang and mr rajan, and had a short conversation with mr ang about why im here...

then i met ms peters... who i talked to for a whole 15 mins about internship and the pros and cons of being there...

then i talked to mr wong... our PTN... about the students, and also a bit about internship.

what shocked me was i met NARESH! haha he was covering Spinnovex as part of his work at Mediacorp, and he was just as surprised to see me lol.

I also briefly talked to mr kwan... just for like 5 minutes. he doesnt seem to realise we're on internship hehe.

sadly, i didnt get to see ms kwa, ms nga or any other LOs.

standing at the booth gave me leg pain... until now i can feel the pain pulsing in my feet. i think i will have to limp tomorrow.. oh no...

2 more weeks to end of internship.. the feeling is mostly happy, a little sad. but mostly glad. x)

wow. its been a long time that i actually updated on MY LIFE. Like seriously ive been writing a lot about how i feel, and how i want things to happen, that i realise i fail to talk about my LIFE in general. so i'll update.

Saturday, i went out with Ryan. (i guess let me first talk a little about said ryan.) Ryan's just a guy i happened to meet recently... okay let me rephrase that. i met ryan in secondary school... he was a friend of a friend... but we met again recently. yep.

We originally planned to go out together for christmast shopping, but cancelled it at the last minute due to.. hee.. me meeting other people... so in the end ryan and i decided on yesterday... so yeah. we went walking around, some lunch, some more walking, before heading home. it was quite interesting, really, filled with laughter and silly random-ness.

okay. enough with ryan. now unto a more common topic.

Today, at approximately noon, phyphy asked me on MSN if i was free... the moment that came out we sorta planned to watch an inpromptu movie... called Mission Sex Control. was laughable... about koreans trying to stop their villagers from having children so that they wont be overpopulated and affect their GNP. damn funny to see the koreans acting and their reactions to things we've seen every day, or know... like being taught how to put condoms etcetc. really
funny.
Phy and i saw this very funny bird inside AMK... it was trying to fly out... but it wouldnt fly... it just seemed to like... trying to fly out... but it couldn't. so... it kept flying back and forth... and there was this... security guard... who seemed to be waiting at the door for the bird to fly out...


anyway after the movie, we went off for dinner... xiu got her ice cream that she been craving for a while... then we proceeded to ajiten to eat dinner.

phy had her very very spicy ramen that got her face red like chilli... i only ate cali rolls... xiu just drank her mineral water -.-!!


after that we headed home!!! =) yay!!! it was great meeting the girls again... we have to do it again. oh my god im like so full i cant really eat anything now... bloated like a balloon...

something had been disturbing me for the past few days... i guess its either paranoia, or the idea that i might be turning into the hypocrite... the exact kind that i had always hated. i hated it, questioning myself, constantly tormenting myself, wondering why the hell was i like this, how the hell did i turn to this.

and today, i was given the answer: the opportunity to speak to another close soul about what i felt. i didnt talk to anyone about this before, because i felt that only i could give myself the answer i sought, but when the topic came up, i guess everything came out.

what came back to me, i guess, was regret: that i never sought out the others before. because now i have the answer i need, and i know that i'm not the only one feeling that way.

the answer and advice was given to me in the form of the MSN conversation of phyllis. i guess maybe what she suggested was the most obvious thing in the world, and that i should have known it would have to be this way... but i guess... complications arose that made me think that the initial idea wouldnt have been possible... but now i realise it is... guess you can say i was clouded..

so i guess... thanks phy for "enlightening" me... because now i have the answer that i need.. i guess you can say you made it clearer for me... thanks!

recently ive been having weird pangs of pain... like i cant stretch.. i cant breathe properly. its weird, it's not long lasting, but its there. it hurts like hell when it's there.. almost worse than a knife sticking in your stomach. hypothetically speaking, of course.

i have lost more or less a lot of stomach space, and have no stomach for a lot of things i used to want. i dont feel like puking, but if i force food in, i cant swallow it. i havent gone to see the doctor because i dont feel its anything that the doctor can diagnose... i tried before and it didnt help.

ouch. there it is again... its not my heart. its in the space below chest area. literally. i cant breathe too deeply... i cant even stretch properly.. it hurts like hell, and i am at a loss as to what to do. i think my body is slowly learning not to listen to my mind anymore.. even moving now i'm afraid, because the pain comes literally so sudden and so shocking that i can do nothing about it but to suppress it.

my nerve endings are on a strike.. they want me to feel pain... everything hurts now... except my heart. haha. oddly thats the part that doesnt hurt a bit. okay maybe its numb from the pain ive already put it through.. but at least... that part of my life is over. at least my heart can feel happy for now... while the rest of my body disintegrates and hurts...

faces in the mirror


seems like i got my flair of writing back. i guess the changes i've made to myself have not gone unnoticed... based on the reactions i got from certain people. ive learnt a lot about others yesterday: learnt how sometimes you only get to see one face, so much that you become oblivious to the other faces he/she shows others. the result being two people you never thought you could meet... yet somehow they're the same person. maybe you hate one, and yet you are okay with the other.

for me, 1% of hate is stronger than 3% of laughter. i just cannot look at someone and know that once they turned my life upside down. i guess at some point in time i wish i had learnt to be strong earlier... during that time i was a quiet person... who was willing to forgive, and in brutal terms, follow blindly. if someone said this person was okay, to not offend that one person, i would have said so to, to her at least.

i guess at that point in time i created a few faces for myself, hiding behind the kalediscope of faces i created for myself.

but now, from a face for everyone, it slowly blended to become only two faces: two faces that two different people see. one is the girl that you see if you're a friend.

that girl is a bubbly, happy and playful girl that doesnt mind making a fool of herself with her friends, that can share anything with them, and she knows that even if she had told them facts, truths, they could accept her point of view even if they didnt agree with it.

the other girl is an exact opposite. that girl is an evil girl with evil plans whom she intends to set free. before, this girl was suppressed, thinking that if she let this girl out, she would lose everything she had... the friendship, and everything else. but with her new found strength, she was taught into realising that maybe, this girl had a purpose in being a part of her afterall. since her childhood she had always been revengeful, evil, maybe notorious even. but she had left them to thoughts and stories, never letting them out. she was afraid of what might happen... of karma, maybe. but certain things in her life that she felt made a difference, made her realise that it was their karma for messing with her, and that some sacrifices are worth making. because of this girl, this girl that only her enemies see, she was able to balance each one. without the assassin, she would have to suffer with the pain. with this girl, she could live with it, knowing one day they would get their own from her.

~~

looking into the mirror, sometimes she knew she no longer recognised herself. (wait why am i speaking in third person...) so much so that i've become almost like a person i've been watching, a person that was no longer me. its hard to explain... but it seems that the moment i realised that i could do something about life, that i had a hand, a share in what happens to me, that my fate planned it this way, and that i have control, i lived a life that was no longer my own.

reading back my entries from the past, i guess i did change a lot. my past was filled with moments of KF, nick and eugene, of how i wanted to forget desmond. my writing has somewhat changed too... i've begun to write more and more about how i feel, than just what happened... i guess the need to write has become an innate part of my life.

so... seeing that weiting has posted a happy and sad thingy.. i shall too. even if im a little late.

Happy things that Happened to me in 2007

1) 19th MILE
the memories, SOME OF the people i've met there, my host family, KTC, every part of it. each part, each memory, means so much to me. because of the MILE trip, because of the people i didn't like, the ones i did got closer, and because of that, i became stronger. i will remember each moment, each memory, all the laughter and "roger's gift". even if some people made the trip bittersweet, but because of that, the others and i got closer... and because of that... it made it so much better.

2) birthday chalet
i know i didn't say much about this, but this really meant a lot to me. i mean, firstly its my first birthday celebration... even if nothing much happened, the small details will always be with me... the games we played, and the fun we had. i'll always remember them.

3) phy's bday party
although this was not necessarily my own memory... but it was wonderful all the same, because of the planning involved, the fun we had "lying" to her... planning our lies and plotting carefully, staying up late to finish the cloaks, giving ourselves inspiration and everything. the look on her face was more than anything. it was priceless. the fun we had was really unforgettable. the planning was even more intricate... planning how to get her out... my angst... my anger at sandy... running to her place... following her... keeping contact with xiuzhi... everything.. jamming the lifts, even to the extent that her parents helped! oh goodness i won't forget that.

4) chalet
of course, how can i forget the half-year chalet the girls and i have? its a tradition after all!!! it was always fun to bond with the girls... even if weird things do come up. but planning for xiu's surprise was also a little odd... how to bring the cake into the chalet... how to bring the gift? where to get and what to get for her? how to get her out? the night before was spent planning... phy san and me.. online trying to figure how to get her out... me blowing balloons in the toilet... phy pretending to sleep... sandy pretending to lose the non-existant ring that fit gave her... everything... oh my goodness imagine the planning!

Sad things that happened to me in 2007

1) ... you know... when i reached this part... i really cant think of anything to write. i mean... i stared at this blank for a whole 10 minutes before i could decide what to write. okay... i could write about how i feel, about the pain in my heart, about how i was torn and broken, my disappointments and regrets, but then i realised i didnt have any. because every single sad moment i had, every bad thing that happened to me, turned out okay in the end. just like in MILE, because i had to go with SOME incompetent people, it made the rest and i bond even more than we would have initially. similarly, every bad thing that happens to me, something good will come out of it. suddenly everything that's sad seems seemingly insignificant. i guess... that's a good thing.

a new year, a new resolution. each year seems to pass and yet my resolutions never seem complete. with each year comes more uncertainties, more fears and more doubts. more incomplete achievements, the insignificance of the years before.

i would say i'll let it all go. i'll throw it all away and forget it. but i can't. because what i want to forget is too deeply intwined with what i'll always remember. its two different things, two separate issues, and yet, like thread with cloth, it all comes together, blending.

this song in my blog is so haunting, so peaceful, and yet.... it symbolises everything i feel right about now.

i told myself i'll give it up, that i'll give it away. i shouldn't be sad, not even disappointed about something that i knew would never happen. guess that's why im okay with everything. rather, instead of feeling upset and disappointed, i choose to feel happy, happy that it had, during its time, made me stronger, made me who i am now: someone that can stand on my own two feet. i'd rather this happen all over again, the memories alone are precious enough.

my chapters have to end. there's literally nothing more for me to go on with any longer. but thank you, really. for making me strong. for making me realise what i can do. for making me realise, i dont have to be pushed around, i dont have to take anything lying down. i have the mindset, i have the power, i can use it. even if its not my power, even if there's no way for me to do anything... there's still always a way out. i used to get upset over thinking about shit, about what happened to me, and about how helpless i used to feel. but after those days, after those moments, ive grown stronger. instead of feeling helpless, i now knew how to manipulate it to my advantage, to make it work, to do something about it. and because of that. i grew stronger. im now able to stand on my own feet, support my own spine. for those moments, those memories, thank you.

a year has gone by, so have many memories. i dont regret anyone of them. although it seems like i would be better off rewinding time and hoping it never happened, hoping that i never started anything, hoping i didn't dig my grave, i wont undo anything. each and everything i did, i learnt to overcome, i gave up, each moment made me stronger. i can admit that. each memory, each moment, taught me something.

the past year was full of memories... things that i'd never forget.

1) yuka. i'll never forget that memory for as long as i live. kanazawa, ishikawa, 19th mile. forever it will be a part of me.

2) the girls... for each moment i shared my torments and pain with them, they were there to listen to me. for all the joys that we been through, the troubles and the pain... planning of parties, planning of everything, scheduling, working, stressing and laughing together. those memories will always be with me.

3) the people i hate. thank you, even thanking you. because you made me strong. you made me realise everything.

4) my secret. thank you for making me realise my own strength, for letting me stand on my feet. thank you for making my life better, even if at one point it was all sadness and misery. the scars on my wrist will take some time to fade, but by then, hinoki will be stronger than ever. thank you for doing all that, even if you didn't know it.

5) weiting... especially weiting. thank you for listening to me. you know what i mean. =) i'll be here if you need a pillow to whack~

6) art.. for the funny looking kitty. (DONT SAY MEOW!) thanks for listening to me and giving me cryptic messages. the quote you gave me still is a part of me today.

7) アロイ... for everything. for letting me know einstein did not invent the lightbulb... all the laughs and the mind challenging conversations to the night. x) was fun.

to all those who mean so much to me, thank you for being there for me... =) thank you all.

this new year... marks a new beginning. literally. because its on the 31st, while i was sitting at the MRT... that i swore to myself and promised others, that i will let it go. that i'll finally... give it all up. that chapter of my life is literally closed. now only future lies ahead. we'll see where this leads us.

Hard to believe my blog is already 1 and a half years old... hmmm. since the art house trip with the girls... cant imagine at that time... my 3rd post talked about how much i can finally give desmond up. and now... hahaha. so much has really happened since then...