suddenly my working environment feels so much like school to me.

suddenly everything i thought i loved became something else.

suddenly, i became... insignificant.















i dont know how else to put this, but today alone gave me the confirmation of my fears, the last drop of my courage and the last of my stamina. i literally cant find the energy to get myself on my feet, i cant get myself to do it anymore.

each day, each conversation, seems mundane now. i guess its all because i know in a while's time it wouldn't matter anymore: because i knew in a while's time the 12 weeks would come to an end, that 12 weeks that i loved.

just one day was enough to spoil everything: make everything clear.

and it made me realise the significance of my existance: and made me realise who i was born to be. this wasn't my calling: i was bound to give this up. this was never meant to be anything more than just 12 weeks at work.

and now it will only be that.


i guess once again it will be a bittersweet feeling, once again that fear of leaving something behind. but i guess the things im looking forward to is much more than the fear of leaving this behind. so while i'm happy for the girls, whom some might be extending their internship, i'm also happy that i didnt..


Once more, once more. It's just once more.


おおの　さとし　くん　の　うた　「Rain」。

This is just the beginning 　これ　ガム　じゃ　ない
This is only the beginning　だれ　も　あいしたいない
This is just the beginning　きみ　に　とど　か　ない　さ
ほら

いたい　でしょう？　ただし　だいじょうぶ　から。