i want to disappear. i want to run away and never come back, to a place where no one knows me, where i can be alone with the biggest regret ive ever had to bear. only he understands and only he will never judge me. only he will forever need me.
i want so much to turn back time and make it ok. to undo all the things ive done. ive heard a song which basically sums it all up.
~~
It doesnt take much to learn
That the bridges that you burn
Leave you stranded, feeling alone.
It doesnt take much to cry
When you're living in a lie
And decieving that someone will care
And if i could turn back the time,
I would put you first in my life.
And i would risk it all for you
To prove my love is true
I've built a wall around my heart that will only break apart for you
You've changed the way i feel
So tell me what's the deal
Don't say, don't say its too late.
Now, hills are getting hard to climb
Running out of time
My decisions are pending on you
I will accept the blame
For burning out the flame
Hoping the story will twist once again
And if i could turn back the time
I would put you first in my life...
~~
I know its taking me a lot to not run, to not just leave. Im practically gluing myself to the spot and forcing myself to say everything just so i know i cant run away anymore. But the feeling is there. I can sense it. I want to run, to go so far that i know i cant make any more mistakes. Ive done enough damage in this life time.
I dread tomorrow. I really do. Im not hoping for anything anymore. Ive done too much to even think about hoping. Tomorrow, i come clean. I've already decided to do it and i'm not changing my mind. But even now i still want to find an excuse to run away. To delay the last day. To make sure tomorrow never comes. But i also dont want to stay like this, living in the shadows, always being afraid.
Dec 17, 2009
Dec 10, 2009
wiki is hilarious!
ok i was doing my school work la, den i was reading wiki. den i noticed this very INTERESTING thing i just HAD to screenshot to post. :D
click HERE to see it bigger!... :)
click HERE to see it bigger!... :)
Dec 8, 2009
weird day + great night
ok my new module is officially weird. its like MMR, but without the actual research! @_@ i dun get it, its like we learn the theory but we dont need to apply it. so we're PRESUMING we did the research. i guess it is the same when it comes down to it but it feels weird not doing the actual research. i find myself thinking of MMR and our SMRT campaign days, slogging over the computer, not sleeping, notes piled and research piled even higher, everyone slowly degenerating into zombies. hehe.
but ya anyway my new module. we're learning research and we had a presentation on sat. it was like a 7min presentation. all of us went there dam tired. my teammates were dam sleepy too. there was Don, who worked late last night until 3+4am, den came to school at 12 (he works at a pub/club/bar so you can imagine he wasnt exactly sober). another girl Yen who had to work and couldnt come, Kayee who doesnt know the topic well, Liping who came late to class, and me who slept arnd 3am and woke up at 6am to go to school by 9am. had to sit through the lecture too.
*SIDETRACK*
ok maybe because im sleepy and sick at that point. Don was supposed to be the presenter, but seeing as he not sober I didnt want to force him to coming for presentation. Now since the rest of the girls were later (i came at 9pm, Don and Kayee came at 12pm the rest abt 12.30 to 1pm), we decided to go with "whoever last to come shall present". I was honestly too tired to talk or even communicate much at that point, and was coughing quite badly. And as you girls probably know speaking isnt my strong point. So Ros was the one who came late. (ros is this malay girl in my grp) We asked her to present and she just said "No." didnt even ask why Don cannot, or why cant it be anyone else. First of all she came late (she said she had to work but her dressing that day make me seriously doubt it. i bet you she woke up late), and then sat there. Didnt even engage in conversation. Went out a few times to talk on the phone. Presentation start at 1pm, she comes in at like 12.55pm. We even wrote a script for the presenter so its not like you're unprepared.
long story short in the end i presented. but it made me think of poly life. abit of ML, abit of... well you figure out the rest. maybe its just me being touchy and annoyed because i didnt get enough sleep, but i was really quite upset that day.
*END OF SIDETRACK*
after presentation, i reached home at 4pm. the plan was for me and matt to meet his NS buddy, who wanted to go club with this girl cos he likes her. so we were supposed to be like middlemen, go out as a group kinda thing. we met at dhoby, turns out they alrdy became a couple LOL. from middlemen become double date. watched a movie together, den went clubbing. super tired after that, matt got drunk again. (well he had to drink most of it cos i cant drink for nuts, so its totally expected)
Yes that was saturday night.
TODAY!
same thing again. project got me annoyed. i feel that some ppl are just either not paying attention or slightly slower than the rest. oh well. i think the worst part is i cant complain to anyone because unlike poly i dont know these girls well enough: heck they know her better than they know me anyway. so its like im stuck with all these stupid feelings and i cant complain. well i did feel better complaining to matt a little through sms.
tmr is his IPPT, GOOD LUCK :D
cant wait for phy to be back. i still have shopping to do! and my furniture is coming in soon so i can take pics for you guys to see (my new house of course). unless you wanna travel alll the way down to visit, i also dont mind :P
but ya anyway my new module. we're learning research and we had a presentation on sat. it was like a 7min presentation. all of us went there dam tired. my teammates were dam sleepy too. there was Don, who worked late last night until 3+4am, den came to school at 12 (he works at a pub/club/bar so you can imagine he wasnt exactly sober). another girl Yen who had to work and couldnt come, Kayee who doesnt know the topic well, Liping who came late to class, and me who slept arnd 3am and woke up at 6am to go to school by 9am. had to sit through the lecture too.
*SIDETRACK*
ok maybe because im sleepy and sick at that point. Don was supposed to be the presenter, but seeing as he not sober I didnt want to force him to coming for presentation. Now since the rest of the girls were later (i came at 9pm, Don and Kayee came at 12pm the rest abt 12.30 to 1pm), we decided to go with "whoever last to come shall present". I was honestly too tired to talk or even communicate much at that point, and was coughing quite badly. And as you girls probably know speaking isnt my strong point. So Ros was the one who came late. (ros is this malay girl in my grp) We asked her to present and she just said "No." didnt even ask why Don cannot, or why cant it be anyone else. First of all she came late (she said she had to work but her dressing that day make me seriously doubt it. i bet you she woke up late), and then sat there. Didnt even engage in conversation. Went out a few times to talk on the phone. Presentation start at 1pm, she comes in at like 12.55pm. We even wrote a script for the presenter so its not like you're unprepared.
long story short in the end i presented. but it made me think of poly life. abit of ML, abit of... well you figure out the rest. maybe its just me being touchy and annoyed because i didnt get enough sleep, but i was really quite upset that day.
*END OF SIDETRACK*
after presentation, i reached home at 4pm. the plan was for me and matt to meet his NS buddy, who wanted to go club with this girl cos he likes her. so we were supposed to be like middlemen, go out as a group kinda thing. we met at dhoby, turns out they alrdy became a couple LOL. from middlemen become double date. watched a movie together, den went clubbing. super tired after that, matt got drunk again. (well he had to drink most of it cos i cant drink for nuts, so its totally expected)
Yes that was saturday night.
TODAY!
same thing again. project got me annoyed. i feel that some ppl are just either not paying attention or slightly slower than the rest. oh well. i think the worst part is i cant complain to anyone because unlike poly i dont know these girls well enough: heck they know her better than they know me anyway. so its like im stuck with all these stupid feelings and i cant complain. well i did feel better complaining to matt a little through sms.
tmr is his IPPT, GOOD LUCK :D
cant wait for phy to be back. i still have shopping to do! and my furniture is coming in soon so i can take pics for you guys to see (my new house of course). unless you wanna travel alll the way down to visit, i also dont mind :P
Dec 1, 2009
move move move movemovemove!
oh yea, for those who dont know, ive officially moved house! am in a new house for the past week. my furniture isnt 100% here yet, but when it is i promise id take pics let you all see :D
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