im getting truly sick of this. i dont know how to describe my parents anymore. i dont know what ive become and why my temper has changed so drastically i feel that my parents nolonger understand me. ok understand is the wrong word to use: they're my parents and a part of them will always subconsciously understand me. maybe our method of communication just isnt right. my mum's constant tantrums and whines make me want to talk to her less and less as each day goes past, and her constant snide remarks about certain things i do come off the wrong way. instead ofthinking "oh i should try to do this since my mum is not happy about it" i think of it in the sense that, she has noguts/whatever to come to me and tell me, and intsead she's venting on people about me, KNOWING that it'll affect me because she knows i can hear. this incident has gone on for a v long time. when i was in poly and my pc broke down because the plug fuse burnt, i threw a tantrum because my group was counting on me and needed me to finish the project by that night. and what happens when i dont? I FAIL. and who gets scolded? ME. yes. either way its my fault. but instead of helping me she goes to a friend to borrow a plug for me. borrowing is fine. i thank her for that. but she did not have to tell her friend that i was crying hysterically because of such a small thing. and when i collected the plug her friend laughed at me, thinking that the incident refered to my younger sister. i was so pissed that day its never left my mind.

other incidents usually revolve around money. first it was becuase i had no job. now i have a job and i rarely ask them for money, except when im really broke (usually if i have 0 cash id just not eat for the day, and only ask if its been more than 1-2 weeks and i cant take it anymore). and instead of my parents trying to help, they keep asking me when im going to pay for the installment of my pc (NOTE: I HAVE NOT DELAYED IN PAYING THE CURRENT MONTH'S DEPOSIT). fine, communication breakdown, acceptable. but while they know i have no money to pay off the deposit, does anyone consider WHERE THE HELL I GET THE MONEY TO EAT? NO.....

den i agreed to go to work. its so hard to work and study im having constant breakdowns and have to stop myself from just crying in the office. instead all they ask me is when is my next module, when is my exams. the only time i have to myself is when i can go online and play games to relax myself. and NO i cant even do that without them nagging at me.

now that im working as a temp staff APPARENTLY its not enough. im quite happy here, apart from certain quirks in the office i cant stand. i mean, i dont need to use my brain, i can concentrate on learning when school days come. but noooo, dad wants me to get a full time job because "this job has no future". im already at my breaking point ive taken two MIA disappearances and no one even notices that something is seriously wrong.

i can only talk to matt about all these things but recently ive tried not to disturb him with these because he's so caught up in office with his own things. i dont wanna be a burden, he has his own worries to worry about.

and all the more i dont get this: why is my sis allowed to stay out late. but when im like 1 minute late i get a snide comment about being late. i hate this. i seriously hate this. all i want to do now is be left alone. i can support myself, i can survive on my own. and all these things are making it more clear. my parents dont understand me at all. and explaining isnt going to work because all i'll get is explanations on how life is harder in the future. for once, i just want them to see me for A PERSON, and not their child. maybe then they would realise something's wrong.