hmm. i dont know what to say. i used to be afraid of writing here because i dont know who reads it. maybe thats' the reason i dont blog here anymore.

im trying not to think at all but its not easy for some reason i woke up at 7.30 (despite sleeping at 2.30) and i cant go back to bed.

o well.

the worst has happened. i expected it to. okay its not worst, persay. but its horrible.

but for now there's nothing i can do.

just wondering in my brain and pretending that it means nothing to me.

what's exactly happening, im not sure either. i just know.. its beginning to hurt all over again. its getting better. im coping well. but. its not.

not yet.

something's still pestering me at the back of my head.

i dont want to forget it.

notice that im blogging lesser nowadays. i know that too. but ive lost the motivation to blog altogether. starting to feel that maybe keeping it to myself is much better.

but im going to continue writing, even though i really feel that i have nothing more to say.

miss the girls. cant wait to see you guys again.

im feeling really depressed lately.

and insecure.

until i no longer know what im going to do.

i cant handle this.

i cant accept it.

i cant move on.

and worse of all...

i cant let go.