something had been disturbing me for the past few days... i guess its either paranoia, or the idea that i might be turning into the hypocrite... the exact kind that i had always hated. i hated it, questioning myself, constantly tormenting myself, wondering why the hell was i like this, how the hell did i turn to this.

and today, i was given the answer: the opportunity to speak to another close soul about what i felt. i didnt talk to anyone about this before, because i felt that only i could give myself the answer i sought, but when the topic came up, i guess everything came out.

what came back to me, i guess, was regret: that i never sought out the others before. because now i have the answer i need, and i know that i'm not the only one feeling that way.

the answer and advice was given to me in the form of the MSN conversation of phyllis. i guess maybe what she suggested was the most obvious thing in the world, and that i should have known it would have to be this way... but i guess... complications arose that made me think that the initial idea wouldnt have been possible... but now i realise it is... guess you can say i was clouded..

so i guess... thanks phy for "enlightening" me... because now i have the answer that i need.. i guess you can say you made it clearer for me... thanks!