Omg i somehow managed to burn aloy's computer plug!! O.o im like soo... worried that i can hardly sit straight. i shall get him a replacement. but step 1... find a job. now it seems like i need to get a job asap.

a new principal seems to be making a lot of difference in SP. the biggest interest point is the DMC no longer belongs to SB, but to a school christianed CASS, which i can only phantom it means something like communication and smething school. seems like mr harry tan is trying to follow NP's steps and make it SP's as well.

sadly, i quite liked being a part of SB... now hearing CASS is kinda foriegn to me, so i'm glad that at least i've graduated and dont have to go through life in CASS. haha.

CCA drive seems to be going fine for the guys. can't help noticing that aloy seems to be under a lot of stress, as though he cant manage it. but i have no doubts that he'll be fine. it just takes time getting used to. がんばって　ね、アロイ　くん！　できる　です！

Been keeping in contact with the guys from ANCT... miss them loads actually after it all...

I miss yuka more, but she's not replying my emails. i think she's started work that's why...

...SP has invited me to go to the official opening of Moberly... i didnt know it hasnt officially opened yet LOL.

i think its sent to most clubs because its addressed to me and my club. hmmm... maybe its an EXCO thing, im not very sure.

graduation's coming closer, and i have yet to find a job. im hoping to get one soon though. have gone through 2 interviews, but nothing i like or fancy, or can imagine myself doing.

wonder how the other girls are doing?

I NEED A HAIRCUT~

i was so bored i decided to do some entertaining stuff... hahaha. and these were the results.


hahaha. jewel wors he...

ok this is relatively normal compared to the funnier ones...
yeahhhhhh seductress woman!
xiuxiu... zeniths wors~
-.- commentless. xD
HAHAHA THIS I FIND IS THE FUNNIEST XD

hahahaa well phy is playful
hahahahahhaa xD
boo~ xD wonder how her reaction will be.
sharon im sure will love this.
go sandy~ and in case any of the girls wonder about their BFs/Husbands...

bwahahahahhahaa...

ok la xiu did say she like to hug him... x)

^^ phyphyyyy xD

YES I AM THAT BORED! xD

i was once taught that a life cycle goes in circles, when things happen to you that goes well, and when everything goes drop shit for you.

well, right now i'm in my drop shit moment. my hikari (laptop) has died on me again, leaving it with aloysius for a week. my older lappie isnt working for me, my PHONE has spoilt, so i changed hp with my mum, and she forgot to bring the charger home, leaving me with a deaded phone... soon anyway...

but i still choose to look on the brighter side. because i was also taught that the worse it becomes, the better it will be later on. and im willing to suffer now for a better tomorrow, or week later. lols.

well, life can only get better from now on!

well, people have asked me to blog, but i seriously have nothing to blog about. i'm applying for jobs. x) for one. for two, erms... nothing special i guess. ^^

school has started in Poly, and i have officially graduated. =) i guess in the end the feeling is still bittersweet, because i dont know what to do... i feel at a loss for words. i actually dont mind doing part time free lance from now till then... but i wont do any temp-ing. x)

so.. haiiii.

WOOO!!! I JUST SIGNED UP FOR JAPANESE CLASS!

This time, im not giving it up.
This time, i wont let it go again.
This time, i'll finish it.
This time, i'll achieve my dream.

Even if it takes me as long as i need.

I will finish it.

cant wait for first lesson... v glad phy is doing it w me!!!

maybe just maybe i dont really know
each and every moment, seemed so long ago
one special moment, one special dream
just one, one special him.

and though i dream of every moment
i heard each word and phrase
each time, each memory i made
then, seemed to have your face.

but today i heard a different voice
it came with hurt and pain
there was never a happy ending
to this one, disillusioned dream.


oddly enough, a few days ago i stumbled upon this. i wrote this back then, back when i was... i think sec 4. i dont know what special reason it held, but i've begun to like it. the words seemed odd for a sec 4 kid.

i think im going crazy again. someone a long time ago once called me crazy. once said that... i was nuts. and now i believe it. i thought i grew stronger, but i was wrong. i grew stronger, but at the same time i grew weak. in the past i sacrificed what i felt for the pot at the end of the rainbow. and im doing the same again.

my illness is something i can no longer be bothered with. simply because there's nothing for me to work towards, nothing for me to look forward to. in a shot everything's been pulled out from under my feet and my life seems more insignificant than ever.

people say i have to live on, and that my life has a wider purpose. but.. it doesnt. as much as i dont want to admit it, my life was never meant to be anything great. i see it now. im meant to be a nobody. my name will never be remembered, and neither will anyone remember me. no matter how much i do. i will always be a nobody.

even if i cry and tell myself that im just lying to myself, its not going to cure anything. i cant promise myself anything, i cant even tell myself its going to be okay this time, and that i'll live through it. because i've already lost the motivation to press on.

each and every day seems to show me that i have nothing to work towards. and it feels as though my world is slowly falling apart. soon, one day, i will have nothing left.

in a world so shallow and bleak, life seems like a threatening statement. people say you live through the ones you helped, the ones you loved, and the ones you remembered. but its just a facade.

and now i know. life was never meant to be lived. life was meant so we could live it.

hehe. im now in the midst of uploading my japan pics, and ANCT, and xiu's wedding! BUT FIRST LET ME TALK ABT XIU'S WEDDING!!!

April 1st was a 1st for all of us... we went to xiu's solemnisation! hahaha. it was really.. unexpected, the way things were held.

well... firstly phy and i met to settle the gifts, signing of the card and all that. sandy met us there too, and we quickly signed it, before wrapping it up. the girls and i had a good time eating and talking about loads of rubbish. hehe. then phy and i decided to take some nice shots of the gift.. and in mos burger.. that was KINDDAAAA odd.


SCARY THING: phy nearly left the gift at home! she was at commonwealth before she called me and told me she left it at home! and yes.. it was wrapped by her mom. omg the two of us were panicking.. no frame, havent sign, havent write... omg omg no time!

but in the end we managed to get it done. and im quite proud of the design. it wasn't what we planned, but it looks nice and thats all that really mattered.

we then made out way to fort canning... haha we were so hot we went to the toilet. Sandy even went home to get changed so as to look more presentable for the wedding. hahahaha.!!! then we went in le. scary part was.. they were speaking in chinese so i didnt understand much of it... and it was like very fast. blah blah blah , done. i was quite shocked. i imagined there would be chairs, not this small room. but either way, it was quite sweet. xiu looked very happy and excited. i was super happy for her! hahahaha. btw xiu u looked v pretty that day! =)

mr and mrs chua, newly wed. hehehehehe. ^^

after that i went to meet liting and sihua (mediacorp interns)... and this is where i will divulge the truth about everything.

after everything's done, its like... the more i feel that you and i will never truly be friends. for the things you've said and the words that you've put to me, when i was most stressed out. instead of helping, you made everything feel worse.

and now, dont think that you can make me feel better... dont think that you know me. dont you dare talk to me ever again. im done with your lies and your idiocities, just leave yourself out of my life.

hehehe! feel free to click on the pics i've uploaded! IVE UPLOADED MY JAPAN TRIP PICS AND MY JAPANESE STUDENT PICS!!!! =D links are where they always are...

ANCT was a great event! Even though im too lazy to post everyone's photograph, here are a few of my favourite people! ^^ introducing, the ANCT students!



Ryu Katuyuki. He's the talkative one in the bunch, the one that is more friendly and hyper about things. Made me worry a lot because he keep disappearing.

Satoru-kun. He's a nice guy. You cant tell from his face, but he is very socialable and funny. He gave me a horse! xD hahaha origami horse. He said it took him 1/2 and hr to make. Very cheem indeed.

Yone-chan. This guy i think looks like Aiba. =) Hehehe. ^^ Yone-chan is also more hyper amongst the few, but he can be very quiet when he wants to. Very weird guy but fun to talk to. He was very much concentrating on making grasshoppers. hahahhaa.

Yushi! Ahh this guy. He can count 1 to 10 in chinese! Hahaha very funny but he was very fun to be around too!

Abe sensei! I interacted with her quite a lot for the farewell party. =) Oh i miss her. ^^
Hitomi! My half host. hahaha. she was quite quiet but very blur and very fun to be around. I'll miss you Hitomi-chan!

Issei-kun! Issei was one of those few who loved to eat and loved to try. Very blur but very fun to be around.
Birthday boy Kenji. He's quite quiet and emo... but at least during his birthday i heard him SPEAK! hahahaha.

Richard. Another of the sensei. He was very fun to act around because he didnt even feel like a teacher. Hahahaa. Hope to see him next year, maybe.

These are only a few of the 17 Japanese we had this year. I miss them already, but hey. These relationships never end, do they? =)

Got to go! A wedding to attend, a lot of things to do! Hahaa. LITINGG!!!

hey im back. no this place is not dead. im just too tired to write today. reason? Anct. ANCT was something i thought was boring and an irritant at first, but i soon came to become attached to them despite not being so at first.

i will introduce you to the ANCT students and teachers tomorrow when i have the time. but today i want to blog about something that i am sort of glad about.

today on the way to the night safari, i started getting pangs of pain in my lungs again. its happened before, but this time its worse and much longer. i can no longer bear the pain soon.

but anyway, this post is to thank aloysius, who despite wanting to go in to the night safari, stayed with me on the bus. i know it must have been tiring and pretty boring to look after me while on the bus.

after sending ANCT back, i insisted on going home on my own. but now that ive reached home the pangs of pain have become worse and worse. but either way.. im not going to the doctor's like aloy suggested. no. way..

wow. this is a real phenomenon for me... a definite first. im actually so sick my tear ducts are working on overdrive... meaning i keep tearing when i cant sneeze. its not like im holding back, but literally like a watertap of tears. weird, isnt it?

not as weird as some of the other things ive gone through today, though.

I just came back from picking KTC up. Omg all of them, especially Hikaru and Mukai sensei, look the same! even ohara sensei and ohmi sensei were here!!! cant believe its already been 6 months since we last saw them.. x) will see them again tomorrow!

hahaha this is funny. i finally posted the chalet pics. GIRLS go check it out! =D hahahahaha! trip pics i will upload as soon as... well... i upload them. rather once i unpack xD hehe. sze has requested i take pics of the things i bought.. but i cant yet.. not until ive given some gifts away.. heeee. xD so im refraining from EATING anything YET! *i bought a lot of pocky tho xD*

HELLO PEOPLE IM BACKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D

Sorry to all who have been reading my blog, esp my sis who NEVER EVER POSTS here... but... yeah no stupid internet wireless i could smuggle myself on while i was there. SO here's a quick update.

Kanazawa was amazing, as usual, im not going to post all the pics here, will update you guys when i put the pics on my multiply. xD hahaha. it was great meeting yuka again, even if it was only 2 days. hahaha. first time going overseas without my parents OR any adults for that matter is very odd, and somewhat scary, but i would definitely do it again, just maybe in 2 or 3 years down the road... i missed home quite a bit.

First bit, when we landed, kanazawa was 0C. hahahaha! i was soooo cold! omg freezing freezing cold.

This was Kenrokuen... last time i went there i took a pic here too... imagine how cold it was!! haha.
me and yuka. she's changed her hairstyle, but she remains so pretty. xD i missed her while i was here. but hey~ 2 days! she brought me to ski on the mountains HAHAHAHA. her friend, i think his name was shige, taught me to ski. AND I LEARNT HOW~ but it was so freezing cold, my hair was curled nicely when i was up, by the time i landed it was straight xD hahaha!


This was the view on the way to the mountain! omg snowwww... nice nice fluffy snow. =) i love kanazawa for the snow too!

okaasan brought us to this very cool place to eat. cool as in COOOLLLDDD. hahahahahaa. it was an italian restaurant heeee.

yuka and i on some little small small lift, taking a gondolaz up the mountain! hahahaha. we walked on the mountian, and our feet sank all the way into the snow! HAHAHA.

I love it there. =) heeeeee~


CANT WAIT TO MEET U ALL AGAIN~?!

since xiu asked me to write an entry before i go, i shall.

^^ im kinda glad to be leaving, still once again it began to... become a little bittersweet. =) hahahaha. i cant wait to see yuka. i'll try my best to update as much as i can. so keep reading!

i dont know why but im very depressed today. went for a movie with my parents... but i started crying on the way home. i really dont know why i started crying.. maybe a mixture of a lot of things... maybe just... to get myself up and running again.

i guess i've seen a lot of things, thought of a lot of things today.

someone once told me that i treated my friends very well. that i was always concerned about them... that i always thought about my friends before myself. i think its because... when i see someone upset, i want to make that person feel better. as long as that person is of something to me, i would go to the extents of the world to do something for her/him.

i realise its not because im concerned, because im nice. simply... its because i knew that if it were me in those shoes, i would want someone to do something for me. i treat people simply because i want to be treated that same way. i guess when you put it in those terms, its selfish.. haha.

a few days ago i was talking to a friend about how different parents tend to treat the first born than compared to the 2nd born. i started off being jealous over my sister, but after talking it through, i realised that my standpoint changed, and in the end, i feel i like who i am. yes, my sis gets the physical perks of whatever i get despite being younger, but because of that i can see some things in a bigger point of view.

yes and somehow, i thought through all these things while i was crying.. that was 1/2 an hour ago. and now that my mind is much better, i can feel better to.

Post note:

BYE BYE GORDON~! GOOD LUCK IN AUS!

yuka just emailed me the cutest picture ever!


That's my hosts' dog, Rena. Cute, isnt she? I miss Rena and Eru. hopefully when i go there its still snowing. it looks like rena's having a lot of fun in the snow! I also want... hahaha. according to yahoo its actually not snowing anymore, except once in a few days. the day i land its going to be about 5 deg. thats better than freezing cold. xD but i want to see snow. hahahaha.

OMG I FINALLY FOUND A FEMALE HOST! im happy. =D

well since phy asked and im sure ALL of u want to know (yeah im sure you do)... my flight details are as follows.

flying on the 27th of february, at night, approx 11pm. means i'll be at airport at approx 8.30 to 9pm. Its at T3. dont know what belt though.

return is .. even funnier. its on the 11th of march, at... DA DA DA DA!!! 1am!!! haahahahahaa!

p.s. thanks phyphy for the comment. made me feel better. =)

i guess since all the girls are posting about chalet i think i shall too.

i think all of us noticed that it was not the same as the previous few: not so action packed and dramatic, but more mellow.

even the nights seemed quieter. i guess for me the nights made me feel like i was the odd one out... what with me being the only single and all. i know its not their fault and i dont blame them. but its odd to know that i have absolutely nothing to input into anything.

starting from the beginning, i guess i knew somehow that this was going to be the last chalet, except maybe a gathering like a year down the line or whenever we find the space to do it.

i truly enjoyed myself during the chalet, even though everything seemed different, even though everything seemed totally awkward.

i knew that xiu was having some problem with her bf, and i really didnt want to probe. but i guess her emotions were kind of getting to me as well. if you knew me well enough you would have figured that i would have been worried, thusly these were within my limits.

a lot of things were given a miss, but the BBQ was a great success. I LIT A FIRE I LIT A FIRE!

although i started i tried to make this post seemed happy, to make it seem that nothing was wrong, but ultimately i knew that this would turn out this way. there was one thing i refused to tell them during the chalet, one thing that i think i'll never tell anyone. because i dont want anyone to say "i told you so".

but ultimately our routes will separate. two of us going overseas, while two of us staying behind. it seems inevitable that sooner or later we would have to part, but the time seems to be coming too soon for me to grasp.

that last chalet meant a lot more to me than anything. i didnt want photographs, i didnt want fun. i just wanted memories: knowing that for those three days i was happy, that those three days i had spent with my dearest friends who pulled me through thick and thin.

reading all the others' post about chalets made me feel that at least im not the only one: at least im not the only one feeling the depression of knowing we might never see each other again.

its sadly, i just cant let go of so many things at once. i just cant think about the times when we had in the past, and know that we will never ever see each other again.

the chalet meant so much more than anyone will ever know, because those times i can forever remember as the times we were closest, the times we could just have fun. of all the birthdays we spent together, the pain and comfort we found in each other.

For a week now, i've been working on a small project. one day it will be complete.


Girls, promise me. promise me we wont drift apart. Promise me we will keep in touch.