maybe just maybe i dont really know
each and every moment, seemed so long ago
one special moment, one special dream
just one, one special him.

and though i dream of every moment
i heard each word and phrase
each time, each memory i made
then, seemed to have your face.

but today i heard a different voice
it came with hurt and pain
there was never a happy ending
to this one, disillusioned dream.


oddly enough, a few days ago i stumbled upon this. i wrote this back then, back when i was... i think sec 4. i dont know what special reason it held, but i've begun to like it. the words seemed odd for a sec 4 kid.

i think im going crazy again. someone a long time ago once called me crazy. once said that... i was nuts. and now i believe it. i thought i grew stronger, but i was wrong. i grew stronger, but at the same time i grew weak. in the past i sacrificed what i felt for the pot at the end of the rainbow. and im doing the same again.

my illness is something i can no longer be bothered with. simply because there's nothing for me to work towards, nothing for me to look forward to. in a shot everything's been pulled out from under my feet and my life seems more insignificant than ever.

people say i have to live on, and that my life has a wider purpose. but.. it doesnt. as much as i dont want to admit it, my life was never meant to be anything great. i see it now. im meant to be a nobody. my name will never be remembered, and neither will anyone remember me. no matter how much i do. i will always be a nobody.

even if i cry and tell myself that im just lying to myself, its not going to cure anything. i cant promise myself anything, i cant even tell myself its going to be okay this time, and that i'll live through it. because i've already lost the motivation to press on.

each and every day seems to show me that i have nothing to work towards. and it feels as though my world is slowly falling apart. soon, one day, i will have nothing left.

in a world so shallow and bleak, life seems like a threatening statement. people say you live through the ones you helped, the ones you loved, and the ones you remembered. but its just a facade.

and now i know. life was never meant to be lived. life was meant so we could live it.