talking to アロイ　くん　always seems to put things into perspective for me. its like how things we say might be random and make no link or even sense to the topic that we started out in... but it for some reason makes perfect sense to my life.

it shocks me to a certain extent of how he seems to be going through/ have gone through what i already have, and somehow we come to similar conclusions. odd isnt it?

at least maybe because of that, i can trust the club to him, because i know he feels the same way i do, the way KF never felt: as though the club's existance is more important than school itself. i told KF this a long time ago, the club meant more to me than anything else. i was willing to stress myself out because of the club, to skip classes because of the club. my life wouldnt have been half what it is today without the club (for one, i would have never met yuka). i told KF before that for some reason, the club, even though with its stresses and irritations and ups and downs, it relieves me from the stress of school. when i stress for the club, i feel relaxed. it's a way out from school life, to me.

whenever i told KF that, his reply would always be the same: that we came to school for studying. we are not being paid to run the club. we shouldnt have to overwork and stress ourselves out because of something like that: it's supposed to be fun. but he just doesnt seem to understand: it's no longer a matter of fun and games.

アロイ　くん and i, while talking, were wondering what would happen to both of us had we not been in this club. one very obvious thing would be the lack of somewhere to hang out for hours between classes. i used to think that i was the only one, that i was the only one foolish enough to ever feel that way. until last night: i realised im not the only one that feels this odd affinity towards SPSEC.

i guess maybe so many things have changed, but yet still we have watched the club grow, maybe helped in it, and indirectly each of us have planned for its future. many friends were formed because of that club.

i guess thats the real reason why im not willing to step down so early, partially because i feel like fulfilling my whole team, but more than that, because i somehow felt that life didnt feel the same without the club. knowing that even if i continued to go on with my studies or work, i would still end up coming back to school to help out with the club. that remains to be a fact. maybe im just not ready to let it go yet.. i dont see how they can be so willing to step down and move on, when on the otherhand im unwilling to. i want to see the club to the end.

アロイ　くん and i also talked a little more about personal lives, and i feel i can understand him a little more, why the change in him, and what he's going through. sometimes it really feels like im looking at my life in someone else's body... some parts are just too similar..