I predict that this will be a relatively long post. But then again, maybe not. I’ve really run out of the drive to continue blogging, knowing that people are reading into my words, predicting, blaming, contradicting or proving me wrong with words I’ve written.

True, gone are the times I really cared about what others think, about whether I should even be bothered that something like this is happening to me. I remember I used to be the one reading into those words: that I used to be the one guessing and predicting everything someone else said, and wondered if it applied to me.

But now that I’m on the receiving end, I think I really have come down to not care about it anymore. If you know you’re innocent, you don’t have to doubt my words. You won’t have to second guess my words. Similarly, that’s probably why people like Xiuxiu and Phy never asked me whether it was about them: simply because they knew it wasn’t.

It’s a round circle that I’m running in, each step will take me further away, yet closer, to the beginning. A never ending cycle.

On the bright hand side, at least I have Yuka. Her reply to me, even once in a month, was enough to make me happy. Because when I thought back to my previous host Haruka, and how she ignored me and never replied me, I began to realise what it must have taken for Yuka to have to reply me so often. And because of that I feel more than ever I need to go back.

Each step is taking me another step closer. And yet further at the same time. It’s a never-ending cycle of… nothingness.

I guess it’s time for me to let go. A few things are still in my mind, but its really time, I think, for me to say goodbye to those memories, put them in a cache, and move on. Because no matter what, no matter how long I hold on to them, they’ll just be memories that meant nothing.

It’s odd because even as I’m writing this, I’m telling myself I can’t really let go. I can never probably. So I guess the only option that remains to be seen is to wait it out, wait till I feel I can let it go in peace.

It was a large part of my life. That was it. Nothing more.

Moving on, in a few days I’d be back at school again. Once again, that bittersweet feeling. Of knowing when I went back, I’d feel like I wasn’t a student any more, and inevitably, that in a few weeks time, I probably never will be again.