a rose for a day that everyone says
a star for a moment to come
a heart for a memory that wont go away
a dream for the future yet to become

a hug for the friends far far away
a goodbye to those who have yet to go
a smile for the the ones who chose to stay
a kiss for the one who knows


something a friend wrote in her blog (Okay it was a comment) struck me as strange.

friendship seems to be a very interesting word. everyone has different groups of friends, some more some less.

in my life i guess you can say i have a.. considerable amount of friends.

xiu, phy, san - my poly friends who have stuck with me at the worst points of my life. who we've seen happy, sad, stressed, crazy and almost any other emotion. we've gotten backstabbed together, spread gossips among each other, and been there (at least i think we have) for each other.

i dont deny that at times we might have seemed like horrible friends. i remember in year 1 when we were arguing about groupmates. the whole phy+shen, me+jan thing. until now i feel really guilty that i didnt notice what we were doing to xiu subconsciously.

but im glad that after everything, our group dynamics changed so much. but maybe i prefer it this way. i didnt pick the wrong friends to make in poly :)

aloy, ruth, sophia, joy, joseph, windi, kaifon, szeyuan, bernice - at some point we all got thrashed together, panicked together, and it became amazing how we still survived it all. right now as im typing this you're having your AGM, and im really sorry i couldnt be there. but the club will go on. even if not physically. in spirit it's made a great impact on me. and i can only hope that i fulfilled my duties when i was still in the committee.

kristy - the longest friend i've ever had. since sec 1. (okay we didnt talk in sec 2 BUT HEY I KNEW SHE EXISTED!!!) she's really the only one i can say that knows everything about me. and although we dont meet often i know she'll always be there for me. we've gone through too much la.

terrance, jasper, vincent, rayyen, calvin, shiyan, kenneth - the only ones i feel i can share anything with. i'd say without a doubt that this year has been the worst year of my life (2008). but its in this year that i met all of them. one broke my heart, but 6 managed to mend it. even now it doesnt matter what the real reason is. i really dont care anymore. especially calvin and shiyan, who have been there since april, i owe you two a lot. its strange how we're so close YET in fact we've never met. strange how i feel like i already know you so well. vince and ray, you two surprisingly know me well enough. even though i say nothing, somehow you two can tell im hurt. somehow you knew what to say. and for that thank you. you pulled me through the ending half of the year.

Liting - this girl, somehow intrigues me. even though i only know her for such a short while, i chose to trust her. and i never regretted it.

and of course,

Matt - there's just too much to say. i guess i tried everything. i tried loving him, tried hating him. just to make myself better. NOTE: DIDNT WORK. there's just something about matt that no one else can seem to have. it's not a physical presence, or his way of speaking. something about him just makes me trust him. it's his character, something about him.



what's my path now? i dont know. writing this just reminds me how many friends i really have. and ive realised that i make friends based on 1 criteria. the The most important to me. Trust. it's not the physical trust that you know they wouldnt betray your secrets. its beyond that. its knowing that at anytime, you can trust them to stand by you. ive told many this, that despite how much anyone hurts me, how much my heart can ache, and although i fight with so many people on so many occasions, if anyone of the above call me for help, i'd go in a heartbeat. it doesnt matter where or when or even what. it doesnt matter if they were wrong. as long as they need my support, i'd be there. no questions asked. im the kind of person that tries my best to protect my friends, even if it hurts me its okay.

my mum used to ask me "who would protect you if you needed it?" i never gave her an answer. not because i dont expect anyone to do it for me. i dont want anyone to suffer on my account.

its strange how friendships can create such a strong bond that goes beyond explanation. and strangely, how they started out. all of them started out for stupid reasons.

xiu phy - wanted to run away frm meiling so we just kinda grouped ourselves to be away from her

san - ly's group politics

kristy - we were the only 2 from the same class that went into sec 3 together.

online friends needless to say, meet online as a reason is stupid enough haha.

but strangely, these group of friends made me feel at home. they made me feel like someone.


so to all my good friends out there, for those who have seen me at the worst possible moments, thank you. for always being there.

*and on a side note my mum says i dont have many friends. == looking at the list i'd say i dont have too many, but i have enough. and anyway, i'd rather 5 close friends i can look for, than 50 that i dont know who i can trust. to me, those aren't friends. they're just acquaintences.