what is this emotional turmoil i feel deep inside? this feeling of uncertainty, of pain somewhere in my body. there's a deep emotional pain, a pain ive thought ive long lost. but every time i feel as though it was lost, it would come back and haunt me. this feeling of having something stuck in my throat, my heart feeling as though its stuck there, beating at 3 times the normal speed, so loud i could hear it.

something doesn't feel right.. something felt seriously wrong with my body. maybe its an emotional thing, maybe its not. maybe its just a physical problem. i dont know. but i have to solve it soon. because if i dont, something will happen. one day i will find myself unable to contain it anymore.

everything seems to happen because of him, everything seems to start that way. but now its really going downhill because im finding it harder and harder to control myself..

i hope im just wrong and thinking too much, because the alternative is something i dont wish happened to me. because i dont want something like that to happen.

i was stupid to let my past and future get together, because neither meant anything, and yet it was me who made them mean something. and i hate myself for it.

stupid, isnt it?