lying awake, as confused as ever
feeling the clash of betrayal.
like a knife upon my back
one that i cannot pull away.

amongst my true friends lie one loophole
one sole person that could ruin my life
amongst them, i thought i could trust
but i was wrong, and its too late to regret.

the damage is done, nothing can bring it back
only the pain of tomorrow
my loneliness feels even stronger than before
knowing that i have to stand alone.

because i now find myself unable to trust
getting betrayed over and over again
true trust lies not in seeking answers
but knowing the possibility of danger.

i had never meant to let so many know
and now i have to keep it to myself
because now i cannot let anyone share my secret.

~~

i suddenly feel so betrayed... but i know its no one's fault. just plain curiousity, simple curiousity.. merged with a smart recepient. although it has nothing to do with either one, the one i cant stand is one who i trust, and the one who betrayed it.

people like these push me back into the shell, and make me realise how alone i have to be, how i have to keep this my own secret.. because already everything is getting out of hand.

i will kill the fucking bastard that sold my secret, whether or not he means it. whether or not he knew it was him, i will enter school with a dagger in my hands, and murder him, just like how he tore my trust.

i dont care about the circumstances, i dont care about the cause and effect. i hate people who swore they'd keep it a secret, and it somehow comes out. how i wish i could have really trusted you.

now im only glad, what i told you wasn't exactly the truth. what i told you, i didnt tell the details, i didnt admit anything. its the clause of an assassin. even if you get captured by the enemy and tortured, you cant reveal anything about me that no one already knows. you cant tell others why i feel this way, because i never told you. you cant tell others the end result, because i never trusted you enough. all you have, is a name. and as long as i protect the bearer to that name, there's nothing anyone can do about it.

my life has literally turned into a war movie.. where everything seems like a battle to me.. each battle i fought, ive come out better. but this battle... when my battle plan is leaked out to the enemy.. can i still possibly salvage it? sure i can change the plan, i can make the enemy think i did. but in the end he might not have believed.

my life's been thrown into a battle zone, one which i fight from afar. one which i intend to win. no matter the consequences.

so when you look at your hands, at the knife you stabbed deep into my back.. remember this... my back is scarred with the remnants of many knives, but my hands, my hands are stained with the blood of many, blood that i know is not my own. because the only one retribution that i believe in for backstabbers is a simple and promising plan: revenge.

if you cant keep my secret. i no longer see the need to keep yours for you.

you messed with the wrong girl this time.