is it wrong to feel happy over others' misery? knowing that you, at this point in time, are better off?

im not even talking about friends, or work, or anything of that sort. recently a man has been shouting curse words below my flat... i believe its abuse of some sort. guess it really made me think that at least.. i dont have an abusive family. yes im self-abusive, thats one thing... but family? at least at home, in my room, i feel safe.

its like, i imagine if i were on the receiving end of all those words... i probably would have broken down. thats how fights start. but i guess, if that were the case, id probably be stronger than i am now. maybe that would have been better.

recently i guess you can say im feeling a little.. confused. what with everything going on here and there. its not a matter of priority... but i find myself unable to control my thoughts. we're drifting away, i know that for a fact, and yet.. I DONT KNOW. GRR! damn im pissed with myself.

it hurts more than any painkiller can relief. i really need pain to counter my pain. and once again ive started on the road to no return. damn me. i hate myself.