have i really changed that much?

have i really become someone else?

all these angst, all these painful emotions i've been piling inside of me... is it really still me inside?

or maybe, just maybe, have i really learnt too much from kojima yoshio? have i really learnt his basic rule: そんな　の　かんけない～ (i cant be bothered). have i really learnt that much?

i don't think so. i dont feel that i have learnt it from him: i dont feel that i really cant be bothered. but the miniscule things in my mind, the small objects in my brain: these all im beginning to filter out.

maybe because i'm given too many things to listen to, too many small things that really are none of my business? no i dont think that's it either. maybe its because my mind is too preoccupied with something else.

because all i want is something else.

but yet i know thats not the case. it cant be the case because im no longer waiting up, im no longer worrying myself over it. i just... i don't know... am happy when i get the chance.

its not that i dont care about the lives of others' anymore.. or that i dont care about what's going on in their lives.. but rather at this point in time i have my own life to live. for once, i have to live for myself and not anyone else.

okay so im not actually living for myself.. not only myself. there's always someone else. but... then again i never really lived life for myself.

i guess recently ive been on an "angst strike". ive been nothing but upset and angry most of the time.. and more and more people have taken notice.

and to be honest, for some reason, even now, i can't be bothered at this point.