waterfall of emotions

is it that hard to get it
is it so bad to know
when do i realise
i have to let go
~~~


why is it that my memories are becoming solid, whereas my emotions are turning into running water. i try my best to hold them in the palm of my hand, i try my best to keep them to myself. but the more i try, the more it seems to want to leave my hands. its not dripping: its flowing freely like a waterfall. its no longer a small stream of emotions, but an entire gush that i can't prevent anymore.

i feel inferior, i feel weak. there are things i know i cannot control, things that were planned out for me from the beginning of time, things that im already assured of, things i already know im never going to do. but my feelings are never one of those things. my feelings i am allowed to control, to let go when i see fit. but the more i hold it back the more it wants to rear its ugly head at the people closest to me. but i know that once i let anyone see who i really am, everything i've worked for will turn to dust, and it will fall on the asphalt road, and become nothing but a pile of emptiness.

its hard to bear, and everytime i think about it a small chill runs down my back, irritating me even more in that condition. everything that has gone wrong has already gone wrong, there's nothing i can do to change that. but when you think about it... what can i do?

i guess anyone could be feeling the same way, the trapped feeling, the choking sensation of being stuck and not able to escape. the freedom seems to have seeped out of my life, along with everything else...

i feel lost, and i need a hand to grab, i need someone there to tell me that i'll be okay. i feel like im beginning to lose myself.


well... all i can say is this: on a brighter note. im going to meet my cousins for lunch on thursday. havent seen them in years.