status: unrevived

this might very well be the last time you see me blogging from the comforts of the place i used to call home. im sick and tired of living each day in this house, like a roller coaster going up and down. one moment im a ghost, and another im "the other one". ive been chased out before, but this might very well be the first time im going to run away from home.

it doesn't feel right to come back to a place, only to have been told off, without so much as a "how are you" since the past few days. no the first thing i had to hear was a "why didnt you do this". its not that its unreasonable: reason has nothing to do with it. its just beginning to feel that this place has become less and less like my home.

they say home is somewhere you can turn to when you need help, but this feels more like a prison, keeping me from the outside world. i dont understand exactly what my life holds, but if this is the final result that im going to have to live with for the rest of my life, than forget it. im better off alone.

i know at this point people would tell me parents are like this, this is what they do. they aren't angry at me and they wont be for long. i tried to believe it, i really tried. but it has already come to a point of time where trying doesnt make a difference: the emotional roller coaster in this household is really too much to bear.

are they really so ignorant of my life, you ask? well let's see... they have no idea im having holidays now... and they aren't even aware that i finished my exams. my mom's actually still trying to convince me to study... oh well.

anyway, like i said earlier, this might very well be the last time i call this place my home. im beginning to feel less and less wanted here. i don't know how long more i can hold on, and im really trying the best i can not to make matters any worse than they've already become.

im letting it all go

just to live another day

Takahashi Hinoki