i hate today.

i hate today.

i hate today.

today is officially the worst day of my life.


my parents are trying to get me to let go of one of the only thing that keeps me in touch with the people that have made my life better. they dont understand how these people have pulled me through everything: how these people amidst everyone else have stood by me, and how ultimately one of these people became the most important person in my life.

its not the game that matters to me, not the leveling or the point of the game. for me its just being there talking to the people i love, the people who've always been there for me. the people who've, when i needed help, showed no hesitancy to help me. in the game ive met great friends, and in some ways, how is it different from IRC or MSN or even FRIENDSTER? its just another way of mingling, no?

if quitting meant that i'd never talk to them again, never see them again, then no i will never quit. they mean too much to me. though yes i'd admit the game hurt me in more ways that i'm willing to say, but the game also gave me some really good friends, and the game taught me a lot.

but no, my parents dont understand that. they dont see anything in anyway i say. even something that they could call a small thing,they can end up blowing their top at me for crying (and i cried in frustration of not being understood, being wrongly accused).

now they're saying they would let me travel across the world. but somewhere in my mind it's telling me they'll do anything to get me away from it.

i wont say that they dont understand. i'd admit i hid plenty from them. but not because i want to, or tried to. it just happened that way.

life sucks right about now. nothing's going right. everything that needs to go wrong has gone wrong.

there are plenty of things i love about this month. my time with jasper, with the girls and all.but at the same time, i will never forget this month for a few reasons: i've lost a good friend, two maybe, gained 2 old friends back, found a loving boyfriend, and for the first time in so long, pissed myself off.

october... supposed to be a happy month for me, isnt it? well... not anymore.