a long time ago someone told me i was someone who knew right from wrong, who could tell the difference from the darkness and the light. i was someone, who thought up evil thoughts, who loved the idea of rebellion, who wanted nothing else but to be different.

but thinking it, and doing it later on, is two totally different things. you can say your an evil mastermind, but that just really means you have no guts to do anything. you never realise that you have no guts, until one fine day, you cross the line. the line you've subconsciously set for yourself, you cross. and what for, you dont even know.

you try to hold on to your dignity, you try to tell yourself that at least... nothing worse happened. but you know, deep inside, you're guilty. you know deep inside, you want to escape, to just run away where no one will care and leave everything else behind.

the desire for speed suddenly is rushing back to me, i remember the adrenaline when i ran for the school: the cheers, the glory and the fame meant nothing to me. it was the rush that meant so much to me. the feeling of knowing that i did the best i could, and that i nearly flew.

i dont know what else to think. i guess in the end i have to ask myself, who i really am. who i can be. but the thought of it. will kill me. i know it.

but ive decided. if thats the case. then let me die. let me die knowing i lived, let me die knowing i loved. let me die, knowing i lived without regrets.

~

some things no one will understand.
some things no one will know.
others, believe but never see.
and because of that, i cry.

what started as a friendship
crumbled as fast as it started.
for a reason i know
but reasons have become worthless.

three words tore my heart
from a friend i've lost it all
and this time, its out of my control..

so goodbye.
goodbye because you said so
goodbye only because i respect you
if this is the way you want it to be.
then i have no choice but to accept it.