dont say things that you dont mean. dont give me empty promises, hoping that i didnt mean a single word. dont give me empty promises, thinking that i wont do it, or cant.

because now that ive told you i want to.. now you tell me i cant. those words you said 2 months ago.. what were they? happy lies? words you said to make me feel happy just for that minute, thinking that there was hope? or words that you said to make the pain less significant, hoping that i would forget and move on?

because the pain is now more significant than ever.

you gave me hope, you gave me the chance to think that it wasn't over, that i would defninitely see her again. u gave me the strength to save and scrimp on my money, hoping that one day i would have enough to go back. every day now ive listened to itsumademo, and told myself that one day i'll be with yuka again.

now the pain's come back, and its come back at thrice the level. the penknife has been left there too long, and now the pain's back and its much worse.

the false hope you've given me for two months, it made me happy. and now, you tell me you've lied to me. never again.

never will i listen to each word that you say, and make myself believe that there was hope. because there never was.

i told you 2 months ago i was probably going back, you said okay. even when you knew it was probably just 3 guys, and me and another girl. now its 2 other girls, one of which knows the place quite well.

every argument u said, i could counter you. but you were never satisfied with the answer. and since you cant live with the answer i can give you, i wont give you anymore.

thats it. im going on a strike. both to save money, and both to remind me of what's happened.

im not going on this strike so you'd let me go. thats already passed. im going on this strike because u lied to me and because you gave me false hope. im going on this strike, because i've lost all respect for you.

if i didnt remind you of my allowance, heck you'd probably forget about it anyway.

each time i look, the penknife is starting to look more and more tempting, and yet im pushing it away. i wonder how long more can i continue to resist.

you claim you understand, but do you really? the only people who understand this urge to go back are those who've been there. have you?

i told you, they hosted me, they've seen me for 12 days. i need to go back.

you rebutted that you've been looking after me for 19 years.

but you dont undetstand... they're not my family. they have no obligation to look after me. you dont understand their culture... no one ever does until they've even been under an exchange programme. its true, no singapore family can offer that to me. japanese, though they rarely open their house to others, opened it to me, a complete stranger.

i will earn that 4k. i will prove you wrong. i will show u.. i have the money. i can go. and that the only thing that's stopping me, is not your word, but the fact that you're holding on to my passport.

i hate you. i hate you for lying to me. i hate you for giving me hope. and now, i cant even get myself to respect you anymore.


DONT EVER GIVE ME FALSE HOPE AGAIN. i will choose never to let you give me hope again. because i choose never to listen to you. because i choose never to talk to you ever again.