today got me thinking a lot...

recently ive been on a blood lust. well, not exactly. what i crave isnt blood.. its the pain that comes from it... especially recently ive realised that when im upset i tend to claw myself subconsciously. i know it relieves me and all, but a good friend of mine told me to stop it before it'll get worse.

i guess you can say its getting worse, im doing it more often. not with a penknife, but enough for me to see a huge red line on what used to be my near-elbow area.

i guess ive been cranky recently, and ive scared quite a few people. xiuzhi, kf, maybe even roger. haha i wont know. but truth is its made me see the truth behind what i feel... p.s. to xiu, thanks for talking to me today.. everything's fine now. i understand how i feel now.

to all those who've cared about me and adviced me, thank you. because of you guys i got the courage to tell kf what really happened. to my dear, thank you for being there... because you were there... i now feel safer.

its really a matter of perspective, really. i scratch when im pissed or upset. just keep that down and i should be fine. i hope. =)