"i hope today is a dream,
just to know that all this didn't happen.
i want it to be a dream."

everything about today feels wrong. everything about today doesnt feel like i thought it should.
it started off perfectly fine, if you consider i was late for class, about 1.5 an hour... so i decided since MILE camp has yet to be settled, i, as the president, should see to it that something is done. so naturally, i went to find mrs lim.

lo and behold she had a meeting, so i waited. by the time i was done waiting, it was 11. by then we met, and saw the final mile list (of which, i once again cannot say, but i myself feel that if thats the final list, im quite happy with it, because of certain reasons). after that, we talked to mrs lim, and by then it was 1. as i thought i had a meeting with the girls, i ate, and planned to rush to SB.

however, when i called xiuzhi, she informed me she was at DMS, and then told me the girls went already. this wasn't what shawn told me a half an hour ago.

Me: Meeting what time
Shawn: What meeting?
Me: Kenneth wong that one
Shawn: 2.
Me: Okay.

note that this was approximately before 1pm.

when i called, it was just after 1.so i called janice to clarify (since xiu was busy doing SW) and to ask about MIA. how did i know they really went already, apparently it wasn't even a group thing.

all i knew was that attendance will be taken. xiu told me that in the morning. but since i thought our "appointment" was at 2... i figured... "so i cant be late la". i din realise that meant "we went already and u haf to go urself cos attendance is taken".

ok nevermind. xiu said the girls wanted to leave earlier... so they went earlier. i just have one things to say.

HELLO WHAT ABOUT ME!?

i mean, ok they want to go earlier... okay they thought i was busy. fine. i can live with that. BUT... consider this.

at approximately 1pm, no one even bothered to sms me to tell me that i should go by myself. i wonder what would have happened at 2 if i went all the way to SB just to realise that you girls went already.

i thought i could expect it, at least someone thinking "eh someone msg jingyi, tell her we go already, so if she want to go earlier she can" or something along those lines. but nooo. all i knew is "good thing i called them."

so yes im upset. actually i cried. literally. i mean what else did u expect me to do? sit there and stone? no. i cried. i cried because i was upset, because i didnt realise that something like this would happen.

let me tell you what happened the day before.

i know i got in to MILE, so they tell me they plan to schedule a meeting on wednesday, the same one we were having our HP5 on. i tried my best, pulling as many strings as i could, so that i did not have to make the decision of which one to forgo. obviously MILE was more important, because of the lack of time. but i knew you girls would be upset at me, so i tried my best anyway. and now some shit like this happens. its crap, really.

i dont know what im supposed to do now. im still upset about it and i dont want to talk about it. i dont want to cry again. ive already cried for 2 hours over this. and i dont want to cry again. i want a hug. i want a big hug, and someone to tell me its alright.

i hate today.