timeless animations

i broke down today... to no one but kf. its really hard to explain, and i really dont want to explain it face to face... so here it goes.

its hard to cope with all the stress going on... and i cant help but know that im feeling like im on a tight schedule... i have no time for secondary school friends, or my boyfriend, or anyone else. i dont want to talk about this because you guys probably feel the same way i do, and there's no point in making anything worse than it already is... but im really being stretched too far.

i cant help but ask myself what answer im supposed to give... am i supposed to push everything back for the sake of the project? am i supposed to let the first come first serve basis apply? or should i just pick the one i prefer? it seems like i have all these options, but all these options lead to one single dead end... its funny really. one dead end... im stuck either way.

and not to mention, i feel like time isn't on my side at all... 24 hours is not enough. partially i feel upset too because while i feel this way, my other 5 grp members must be feeling it too... and only one isn't there to feel this horrible pain. its funny especially because i feel guilty about how phy has told xiu about how she feels... and i know (or i think) she doesn't blame me for not being there... but i cant help but feel that we're a group of 6 working as a grp of 5... and i dont want to make it worse. but because of this, im getting cranky very easily. im sorry if i get upset recently... especially after the thursday meeting. xiu should know why...

i somewhat feel jealous of s and p, sandy and fit... at least for s and p they are arnd each other every day, and sand and fit do the same project, so even if they dont see each other, at least they're both just as busy. for me, its like i dont even have much time for my own bf, and when he has time i have to keep turning him down because of group projects. he's gotten upset at me so many times already... and i really dont want to make it any worse than it already is...

time is so not on my side... every day i do the same thing, wake up go to school, research when i get home, sleep. next morning... same thing... yay me. so boring. my secondary school friends want to meet me, but i have no time. and i feel so guilty because i keep having to turn them down. even when my bf asks me, i have to turn him down. i feel so mad with myself..

cca has become something that i find relaxing. even if its work... at least i get to do it with my BF.. and its at least fun.

girls i dont know how you feel, probably the same way. but i dont want to cry again... it's just me venting out how i feel. i dont mean that we're supposed to work less or anything... just sharing how i feel...

now... i've got to go mop up my tears and go continue my research.