haha forgot one more thing: thanks アロイ for the BoA compilation!

thanks to those who actually remembered my birthday, and wished it for me.

1) xiu
2) sze
3) ruth
4) puvan
5) kf
6) my mom
7) my dad
8) aloy
9) jo
10) phy
11) san

this year marks the saddest birthday ive ever had. i got all i wanted, but it cost me too much. remembering my last year birthday, now i know who i can truly call my friends. my friends are the ones that remember my birthday, the ones that wished it to me, not the ones that walked off without saying so much as a word.

its the first time im home for my birthday, usually by now i'd be out, celebrating it. but here i am, at home crying my eyeballs out.

i hate today. but i will remember it. because today is the worst birthday i'd ever have. but from this i learn, from this i know. from this i have figured out who my friends really are.

its quite amazing really, if you look at that list. a few prominent friends i expected were missing. but yet in place of that, were a few friends that i didnt know too well... thanks guys.

thank you guys. even for saying those 2 words, for saying just that, is enough. thank you.

the girls celebrated my birthday with me today. kind of felt quite surprised. ^^ i dont know how to express this in words, but im glad that the girls were there for me. though there were things left unsaid and words left unheard, im glad they were there for me, and because of that, im glad that they were always there.

the scrapbook they made for me, meant more to me than anything they could have bought or done, because i can see the work thy put in for me. yes it was a simple thing, a simple project. however, the effort that you guys put in mean more to me, and i'll forever remember that. ^^

thank you~

i havent blogged in quite a long time... my blog suddenly feels superficial to me. i cant even write what i want to write. those who know, you'll understand why. there's no way i can ever write this out in words.

its turning my heart to mush... not in a good way. its not the melting kind of mush. its the destructive kind of mush. not good. definitely not good.

after knowing i cant write that out here, i realise i have nothing else to say. those thoughts have kept me occupied most of the time.

HOWEVER...

i celebrated my birthday with my parents today. we went to this little shop called "The Ship". ate some western food, and then i opened my present. i didnt want to, but my parents made me. they're more interested in opening it than i am.. hmmm.. =p

its cosmetics. the big box is... sorta fake. inside not so big. =p but its cute either way. i can put more things inside. xD hahaha.

im meeting the girls on tuesday. i rather they plan than i did. xD hahahahaha.

feel stupid, blogging, but cant get the main feeling out of my mind. =(

thank you girls for trying to help. both of you have asked me many times. i'll explain on tuesday, promise. i feel maybe its time i tell you girls. maybe you can help me.

im just being stupid. dumb, i know. but i cant help it.

crap. for the first time in my life i feel like swearing.

its all happening again... all over and over again. ive been crying on and off the for past day, knowing that what sucks has happened to me.

it made me do something i promised i would never do. and im sorry to those whom ive promised.

its stupid really. im feeling like i did 2 years ago. alone in this world with nothing else to count on.

my life has always been on an average hi-low situation, but now its gone a low so low i didnt know i could go.

everything's gone wrong. everything's starting to feel like shit now. and worse of all, i cant find someone to turn to: or rather the person i want to talk to is the person i cannot talk to.

im just an empty shell left. nothing's worth anything anymore.

even my birthday has lost its meaning.

there's nothing left for me.